What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
