I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
