What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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