I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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