Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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