Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
