Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
