You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
