Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
