I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
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That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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