if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
