the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is this the sara with the beer cane?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
