forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
