there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
