He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
