Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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