you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
