i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
