saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
did i just pee glitter
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