We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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