got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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