I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
