i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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