i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
