i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
