Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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