I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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