Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
