Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
