How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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