we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
