how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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