Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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