Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
