Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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