It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
