Got a toothbrush?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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