i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Pooping to opera.
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