I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
