i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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