what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
