Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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