one two three fourrrrnication!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
