So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
