so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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