he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
