Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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