He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have aggressive nipples.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
