Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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