Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Swine flu is the new snow day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
