I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
