I just made out with a guy for $7.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
