Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
