Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
