if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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