Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
