How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
