I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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