did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
