i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it hurts more in the daytime
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
