two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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