You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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