do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
