Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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