I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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