he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
