lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
