i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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