My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
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i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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