is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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