Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
