I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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