I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
