He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
