well you can't waste a boner
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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