yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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