Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
