no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
