yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
